Australian Letter of the Year....
This letter sent to the DFAT (Department of Foreign Affairs and Trade) and our Immigration Minister. The Commonwealth Government tried desperately to censure the author, but got nowhere because every legal person who read it nearly wet themselves laughing!
Dear Mr. Minister,
I'm in the process of renewing my passport, and still cannot believe this.
How is it that K-Mart has my address and telephone number, and knows that I bought a television set and golf clubs from them back in 1997 and yet the Federal Government is still asking me where I was born and on what date? For Chr*st sakes, do you guys do this by hand?
My birth date you have in my Medicare information, and it is on all the income tax forms I've filed for the past 40 years. It is also on my driver's licence, my motor vehicle registration papers, on the last eight passports I've ever had, on all those stupid customs declaration forms I've had to fill out before being allowed off planes over the past 30 years. It’s also on all those insufferable census forms that I've filled out every 5 years since 1966.
Also... would somebody please take note, once and for all, that my mother's name is Audrey, my father's name is Jack, and I'd be absolutely astounded if that ever changed between now and when I drop dead!!!...
SH*T! What do you people do with all this information we keep having to provide??
I apologise, Mr. Minister. But I'm really pee’d off this morning. Between you and me, I've had enough of all this BS! You send this application to my house and then you ask me to provide my postal address!!
What the hell is going on with your mob? Have you got a gang of mindless Neanderthal R-soles working there! And another thing, look at my damn picture... Do I look like Bin Laden?
I just want to go to New Zealand and see my new granddaughter. (Yes, my son interbred with a Kiwi girl). And would someone please tell me, why would you give a sh*t whether or not I plan on visiting a farm in the next 15 days? In the unlikely event I ever got the urge to do something weird to a sheep or a horse, believe you me, I'd sure as hell not want to tell anyone!
Well, I have to go now, ' cause I have to go to the other end of the city, and get another effing copy of my birth certificate - and to part with another $80 for the privilege of accessing MY OWN INFORMATION! Would it be so complicated to have all the services in the same spot, to assist in the issuance of a new passport on the same day??
Nooooo!!!!. That'd be too effing easy and makes far too much sense. You would much prefer to have us running all over the place like chickens with our heads cut off, and then having to find some ' high-society 'wanker' to confirm that the photo is actually one of myself. You know the photo... the one where we're not allowed to smile?! .... You morons, we do smile! Do you think we all walk around with blank looks on our faces?
Signed - An Irate Australian Citizen.
ps: Remember what I said above about the picture, and getting someone to confirm that it is a picture of me? My family has been in this country since before 1850! In 1856, one of my forefathers took up arms with Peter Lalor. (You do remember the Eureka Stockade!!) I have also served in both the Army Reserve and Regular Army for something over 30 years (I went to Vietnam in 1967), and still have high security clearances. I ' m also a personal friend of the president of the Returned Soldiers League... and Lieutentant-General Peter Cosgrove (Rtd) sends me a Christmas card every year.
However, your rules require that I have to get someone "important" to verify who I am; you know... someone like my doctor - WHO WAS BORN AND RAISED IN PAKISTAN !!!..... a country where they either assassinate or hang their ex-Prime Ministers - and are suspended from the Commonwealth for not having the "right sort of government".
You are all ferking idiots!