Friday, May 4, 2012

Friday - Just for laughs

Friday May 4, 4.45pm. You may have heard a few of these before, but surely not all.

Nothing sticks to Teflon, so how does Teflon stick to the pan?

The other day I was walking through the forest alone, a tree fell right in front of me and I didn't hear it.

If you were in a vehicle traveling at the speed of light and you turned your headlights on would they work?

I bought this thing for my car....It sends out a noise so deer won't run in front of your car. I installed it backwards by accident, driving down the street with a herd of deer chasing me....those were the days. 

I almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left me before we met.

I bought some powdered water but I don't know what to add.

I bought a cordless extension cord. 

I bought some land....It was kinda was on somebody else’s property.

I've been getting into astronomy so I installed a sky light....the people who live above me are furious. 

I decided I was gonna leave the house. My girlfriend said, "how long you gonna be gone?" I said, "the whole time."

It doesn't matter what temperature a room is it's always room temperature.

Last night I played a blank tape at full blast. The mime next door went nuts.

Just think how much deeper the ocean would be if sponges didn't live there.

If a cow laughed, would milk come out her nose?

After eating, do amphibians need to wait an hour before getting OUT of the water?

Why don't they just make mouse-flavoured cat food?

If you're sending someone some Styrofoam, what do you pack it in?

How come abbreviated is such a long word?

Why do you press harder on a remote-control when you know the battery is dead?

Why are they called buildings, when they're already finished? Shouldn't they be called builts? 

Why are they called apartments, when they're all stuck together? 

If the universe is everything, and scientists say that the universe is expanding, what is it expanding into? 

If you got into a taxi and the driver started driving backward, would the taxi driver end up owing you money?

What would a chair look like if your knees bent the other way?

If a tree falls in the forest and no one is around to see it, do the other trees make fun of it?

Why is a carrot more orange than an orange? 

When two airplanes almost collide why do they call it a near miss? It sounds like a near hit to me!!

Do fish get cramps after eating?

Why are there 5 syllables in the word "monosyllabic"?

Why do they call it the Department of Interior when they are in charge of everything outdoors?

Why do scientists call it research when looking for something new?

If vegetarians eat vegetables, what do humanitarians eat?

When I erase a word with a pencil, where does it go?

Why is it, when a door is open it's ajar, but when a jar is open, it's not a door?

Tell a man that there are 400 billion stars and he'll believe you. Tell him a bench has wet paint and he has to touch it.