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Wednesday, July 4, 2012

Test Post

After yesterday's problems with getting blogger posts running, here's a 'Test Post' of a few jokes to see if everything is working:


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I went to the currency exchange window at the local bank. Short line. Just one guy in front of me...an Asian guy who was Trying to exchange yen for dollars and he was a little irritated.... 

He asked the teller, 

"Why it change?? Yestoday, I get one  dolla fo two hunat yen. Today I get for one dolla hunat eighty?? Why it change?" 

The teller shrugged his shoulders and said, 

"Fluctuations". 

The Asian guy says, "Fluc you white people too".

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Apple Computers announced today that it has developed a computer chip that can store and play music in women's breast implants. 

The iBreast will cost between $499 and $599. 

This is considered to be a major breakthrough because women are always complaining about men staring at their breasts and not listening to them.

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SUMMARY OF MY E-MAIL FOR THE PAST YEAR 

I must send my thanks to whoever sent me the one about rat poop in the glue on envelopes because I now have to use a wet towel with every envelope that needs sealing. 

Also, now I have to scrub the top of every can I open for the same reason. 

I no longer have any savings because I gave it to a sick girl (Penny Brown) who is about to die in the hospital for the 1,387,258th time. 

I no longer have any money at all, but that will change once I receive the £15,000 that Bill Gates/Microsoft and AOL are sending me for participating in their special e-mail program. 

I no longer worry about my soul because I have 363,214 angels looking out for me, and St. Theresa's novena has granted my every wish. 

I no longer use cancer-causing deodorants even though I smell like a water buffalo on a hot day. 

Thanks to you, I have learned that my prayers only get answered if I forward an email to seven of my friends and make a wish within five minutes. 

Because of your concern I no longer drink Coca Cola because it can remove toilet stains. 

I no longer can buy petrol without taking a man along to watch the car so a serial killer won't crawl in my back seat when I'm filling the car. 

And thanks for letting me know I can't boil a cup water in the microwave anymore because it will blow up in my face...disfiguring me for life. 

I no longer check the coin return on pay phones because I could be pricked with a needle infected with AIDS. 

I no longer go to shopping malls because someone will drug me with a perfume sample and rob me. 

I no longer receive packages from UPS or FedEx since they are actually Al Qaeda in disguise. 

I no longer answer the phone because someone will ask me to dial a number for which I will get a phone bill with calls to Jamaica , Uganda , Singapore , and Uzbekistan. 

I no longer have any trainers -- but that will change once I receive my free replacement pair from Nike. 

Thanks to you, I can't use anyone's toilet but mine because a big brown African spider is lurking under the seat to cause me instant death when it bites my bum. 

And thanks to your great advice, I can't ever pick up $5.00 I dropped in the parking lot because it probably was placed there by a sex molester waiting underneath my car to grab my leg. 

Oh, and don't forget this one either! I can no longer drive my car because I can't buy petrol from certain petrol companies! 

If you don't send this e-mail to at least 42,000 people in the next 42 minutes, a large dove with diarrhoea will land on your head at 5:42 PM this afternoon and the fleas from 42 camels will infest your back, causing you to grow a hairy hump. I know this will occur because it actually happened to a friend of my next door neighbour's ex-mother-in-law's second husband's cousin's beautician... 

Have a wonderful day....AND 

A scientist from Argentina , after a lengthy study, has discovered that people with insufficient brain and sexual activity read their e-mail with their hand on the mouse. 

Don't bother taking it off now, it's too late !!!!

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6 comments:

Susan Heather said...

On that happy note - I advise I am no longer barred from your blog.

JohnD said...

Excellent!

Jo said...

I haven't had any issues with accessing your blog apart from the fact that I don't get full posts in Google Reader any more. Also when I try to reply to your comments on my blog posts your e-mails bounce back.

JohnD said...

Fixed - ahould not've put the ".au" bit on the end of it!

Thanks Jo!

North of Wiarton & South of the Checkerboard said...

John, I have awarded you the Liebster Blog Award, details over at my post of today.

"Just Me"

Maa said...

John, I couldn't get in to your blog at all and was starting to think you had also disappeared. Nice to see you back.
I had issues with my last profile and lost the lot ...blog and all. You'll now find me back at my old blog. Please pop in ans say hello.

Sue